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I turn off the burner, set down the wooden spoon, and, for the second time in twenty-four hours, hbor’s door

THREE

This time when the door opens, I’m prepared Or I would’ve been, if the Mountain had been wearing his kilt, or his sweats and hoodie, or pretty

An itty-bitty white bath towel, held closed with oneelse

His hair is wet His broad, tattooed chest glistens with droplets of water The towel is so siving a view of bare al in so, I say, "Uh"

The Mountain grins at me "That’s the second tiine ould happen if I dropped the towel I’d probably have to call you an aive hi Rs--! My ovaries are fanning themselves But he’s obviously full of himself And who answers the door half-naked? Twice!

A narcissist with terrible taste in music, that’s who

I square my shoulders and force myself to look into his eyes "Can you please turn down that ht last night--"

He puts his hand to his ear and shakes his head, as if he can’t hear me

Grr I shout, "Can you please turn down theand is now sniffing the air, leaning forith his eyebrows furrowed and his nose up, like a hound

"What’s that smell?"

In my haste, I leftlamb permeates the hall "Shepherd’s pie!" I shout over the din "Can you please--"

He walks right past me, crosses the hall, and waltzes into my apartment like he owns the place

"Hey!" I start after him but decide to run into Kellen’s apartment and switch off the music first I’ve been in there a few times, so I knohere the stereo is, and I quickly hit the power button Merciful silence instantly follows Then I scramble back to my place in a panic, frantic to throw a blanket over the mound of clean laundry I haven’t yet folded, which is strewn all over my sofa

It’s a load of socks and underwear, of course

I find the Mountain standing over etables with his fingers

"Hey! What the heck is wrong with you?" I flutter around hi feebly at his hands "Get your paws out ofhis fingers "In case you couldn’t tell, I just got out of the shower" Then he winks at me

Winks The man has obviously had one too many concussions

I snatch the pan off the stove and stand in theat him "Could you please leave now? And keep thebesides you, you know"

He licks his lips and runs a hand through his wet hair, which e I wonder how often he’s practiced thatpeacock

"You’re not gonna invite me over for dinner? I could help you fold your laundry"

I ked help ye fold yer londray

He says it with a twinkle in his eye, and I enjoy a brief but satisfying fantasy of sainst his thick, conceited skull Jamie Fraser from Outlander, he’s not